Sex and Your Parents
Sex and my father “Your father is a passionate man,” with those words my childhood truly ended. My father’s girlfriend a lovely woman in her seventies confided to me over coffee. I smiled encouragingly or at least I hope I did. You see, my mother Joan, his wife of forty years had passed three years before and I wanted my dad to be happy. Really, I did want him to be happy. To have a golfing partner, dance partner, but sex partner? Oy vey that was far from my thoughts.
Adult Children The New Sex Educators
I was ignorant and you don’t have to be. If your parents are dating there will be sex involved. If sex was not discussed in your home as a teen it’s even more important to have the talk. Here are a few facts to remember.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases – Have doubled for people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s in the past decade.
HIV – 15% of new HIV cases are in people over the age of 50.
Sexual Activity – More than 60% of individuals over 60 have sex at least once a month.
Tips for Talking About Sex
- Privacy – Though you may be tempted to discuss this while dining out or having coffee. NO! Pick a place that affords privacy and can accommodate an adult with possible hearing loss. (30 percent of adults 65-74 years old, and 47 percent of adults 75 years old many others are undiagnosed.)
- Compliment– Acknowledge your parents desirability and compliment them are the appearance, charm, and that certain something that makes them desirable.
- Vocabulary – Meet your family where they are. If the word sex is not in your parent’s vocabulary consider using the words intimate or intimacy. The goal is to start the conversation and that begins with your parent hearing you
- Dating and when is the right time for a sexual relationship.
- Sex as part of a relationship and the need for safe sex.
- The right to say no.
Need help starting the conversation? Contact me for a free 20 minute discovery session to make the conversation easier with your loved one.
Judi Bonilla is the Director of Program Innovation at Advocates For Aging. Previously she was a fellow for Hispanic In Philanthropy and Senior Service America, Inc. Bonilla has spoken at South by Southwest (SXSW) the American Society on Aging, and Certified Senior Advisors conferences. She has received a Special Commendation from the City of San Diego for the inaugural Older Driver Awareness Week in San Diego, the Association of Travel Instruction Jack Gorelick Achievement Award for her passionate commitment and perseverance to the growth of the profession of travel instruction and the Women In Transportation Innovative Transportation Solutions Award.